A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
Finley Peter Dunne

A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.
Finley Peter Dunne

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
Finley Peter Dunne

An appeal is when you ask one court to show it's contempt for another court.
Finley Peter Dunne

Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
Finley Peter Dunne

Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
Finley Peter Dunne

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
Finley Peter Dunne

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
Finley Peter Dunne

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
Finley Peter Dunne

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
Finley Peter Dunne


The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
Finley Peter Dunne

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.
Finley Peter Dunne

There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
Finley Peter Dunne

There are no friends at cards or world politics.
Finley Peter Dunne

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
Finley Peter Dunne

Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.
Finley Peter Dunne