Quote of the Day
Erma Bombeck Quotes
- Page 2
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.
People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
Children make your life important.
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
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Hunter S. Thompson
William F. Buckley, Jr.
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