A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
Doug Larson

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.
Doug Larson

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
Doug Larson

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.
Doug Larson

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Doug Larson

Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.
Doug Larson

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.
Doug Larson

For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.
Doug Larson

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
Doug Larson

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
Doug Larson

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
Doug Larson

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
Doug Larson

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
Doug Larson

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
Doug Larson

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
Doug Larson

Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.
Doug Larson

Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.
Doug Larson

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.
Doug Larson

Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.
Doug Larson

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.
Doug Larson