I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day.
Dean Martin

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.
Dean Martin

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.
Dean Martin

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant'.
Dean Martin

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
Dean Martin

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.
Dean Martin

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean Martin