I have no detectable hair style.
David Spade

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.
David Spade

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.
David Spade

I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.
David Spade

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.
David Spade

It's funny because it's funny.
David Spade

It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it.
David Spade

It's so crazy in Hollywood.
David Spade

My career is just kind of crazy.
David Spade

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.'
David Spade


There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.
David Spade

To be famous and broke is hard.
David Spade

To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.
David Spade

When I started I'd fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred bucks.
David Spade

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.
David Spade