David Letterman Quotes

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.
David Letterman

Time, Forward, Forget

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?
David Letterman

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
David Letterman

Funny, Cannot, Else

There is no off position on the genius switch.
David Letterman

Off, Genius, Position

There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.
David Letterman

Good, Courage, Human

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?
David Letterman

Good, Health, Said

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
David Letterman

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
David Letterman

Business, Show, Accounting

If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsover.
David Letterman

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
David Letterman

Change, Fall, Color

Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
David Letterman

Worth, Overdoing

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.
David Letterman

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
David Letterman

Trying, Collective

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
David Letterman

God, Night, Last

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.
David Letterman

Good, Next, Aim

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.
David Letterman

Time, Thinking, Through

As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.
David Letterman

Different, Body, Face

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.
David Letterman

Plan, Baby, Order

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.
David Letterman

Love, God, Home

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
David Letterman

Here, Fact, Body

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
David Letterman

Idea, Face, Boy

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
David Letterman

Great, Problem, Between

Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
David Letterman

Republican, Name, Democratic

It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.
David Letterman

Said, Everybody, Race

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
David Letterman

Great, Around, Move

Share with your Friends

Everyone likes a good quote - don't forget to share.

Biography

Nationality: American

Born: April 12, 1947

Links

Quotes about David Letterman

Find on Amazon: David Letterman

Cite this Page: Citation

Popular Topics

Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

Related Authors

George Carlin
Bill Cosby
Groucho Marx
Mitch Hedberg
Steven Wright
Lucille Ball
W. C. Fields
Rodney Dangerfield
More

Get Social with BrainyQuote

BrainyQuote Desktop

BrainyQuote Mobile

Site

Quote of the Day

Social

BQ on Pinterest

Syndication

Funny Quote Feed

Love Quote Feed

Nature Quote Feed

About Us