Dave Barry Quotes

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
Dave Barry

Nature, Business, Camping

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
Dave Barry

Western, Miles, Oregon

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
Dave Barry

Car, Hate, Through

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
Dave Barry

Football, Tough, Off

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
Dave Barry

Age, Sex, Social

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.
Dave Barry

Trust, Fish, Stick

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
Dave Barry

Ultimate, Trip, Camping

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
Dave Barry

Point, Stay, Objective

In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
Dave Barry

School, Tell, American

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
Dave Barry

Problem, American, Fat

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
Dave Barry

Fear, Afraid, Child

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.
Dave Barry

Business, Big, Taxes

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
Dave Barry

Far, Playing, Golf

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
Dave Barry

War, Since, Fan

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.
Dave Barry

Care, Here, Often

If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
Dave Barry

Enough, Big, Word

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
Dave Barry

Nothing, Find, Moment

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
Dave Barry

Stupid, Down, Fact

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.
Dave Barry

Money, Art, Personal

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
Dave Barry

Good, Crazy, Chance

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.
Dave Barry

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
Dave Barry

Enough, Popular, Activity

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
Dave Barry

Time, Live, Human

The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
Dave Barry

Real, Threat, Endangered

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
Dave Barry

Period, Historical, Empire

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Journalist

Born: July 3, 1947

Links

Find on Amazon: Dave Barry

Cite this Page: Citation

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