Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.
Carol Burnett

Because nobody goes through life without a scar.
Carol Burnett

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.
Carol Burnett

But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table.
Carol Burnett

Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.
Carol Burnett

Comedy is tragedy plus time.
Carol Burnett

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Carol Burnett

I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry.
Carol Burnett

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?
Carol Burnett

I liked myself better when I wasn't me.
Carol Burnett


I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me.
Carol Burnett

It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers.
Carol Burnett

It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others.
Carol Burnett

My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres.
Carol Burnett

My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run.
Carol Burnett

My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.
Carol Burnett

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
Carol Burnett

Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.
Carol Burnett

We don't stop going to school when we graduate.
Carol Burnett

Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up.
Carol Burnett