A government full of Democrats would rather have you be a Republican, and a government full of Republicans would rather have you be a Democrat, than have you oppose both.
Brian Celio

As much as it hurts, I would rather miss someone than hit someone.
Brian Celio

Chuck Norris doesn't need to understand the work of James Joyce; James Joyce needs to understand the work of Chuck Norris.
Brian Celio

Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart.
Brian Celio

Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own.
Brian Celio

Don't hate me 'cause I'm booed a fool!
Brian Celio

Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary.
Brian Celio

Get tough: don't work under pressure; work over pressure.
Brian Celio

He has your finger, but I have your heart.
Brian Celio

I imagine the life of an atheistic praying mantis to be rather torturous.
Brian Celio

I watch what I eat every day. I mean, who actually eats with their eyes closed?
Brian Celio

I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home?
Brian Celio

I write my own quotes. Except this one. I obviously stole this from somebody really clever.
Brian Celio

I'll take a redrum with a rellik please.
Brian Celio

Individuality or Unity? I say there's room for both.
Brian Celio

Just because you're scarred for life doesn't mean you should be scared to live.
Brian Celio

Just because you're upfront with someone doesn't mean you're an honest person; you might just be someone in the passenger seat.
Brian Celio

Love becomes logically true when lost but still sought from the same source.
Brian Celio

Maybe the best way to get people to be pro-life is to start 'em off in amateur-life.
Brian Celio

Some people put up a peace sign with one hand. Some people put up the middle finger instead. I use two hands and put up both.
Brian Celio