The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
Bob Hope

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
Bob Hope

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
Bob Hope

They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood.
Bob Hope

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
Bob Hope

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
Bob Hope

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
Bob Hope

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
Bob Hope

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.
Bob Hope