A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Bob Hope

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
Bob Hope

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
Bob Hope

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
Bob Hope

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
Bob Hope

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
Bob Hope

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
Bob Hope

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
Bob Hope

I have too much money invested in sweaters.
Bob Hope


I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!
Bob Hope

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
Bob Hope

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
Bob Hope

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
Bob Hope

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
Bob Hope

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
Bob Hope

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
Bob Hope

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
Bob Hope

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
Bob Hope

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
Bob Hope