Bill Maher Quotes

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
Bill Maher

Two, Three, Name

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.
Bill Maher

Country, Become, Religious

Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.
Bill Maher

A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out.
Bill Maher

Good, Dark, Kids

It's all been satirized for your protection.
Bill Maher

Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
Bill Maher

Show, Left, House

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.
Bill Maher

Birth, Survivor, Hi

I never thought I'd say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.
Bill Maher

Thought, Needs, Obama

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
Bill Maher

Next, Week, Early

When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.
Bill Maher

Best, Rest, Clear

I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day - you're the president, not a rerun of 'Law & Order'. TV stars are too worried bout being popular and too concerned about being renewed.
Bill Maher

Law, Stars, President

They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed.
Bill Maher

Place, Smoking, Used

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'
Bill Maher

Today, Give, After

This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.
Bill Maher

Experience, Learning, Thought

This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.
Bill Maher

Said, Stop, Hot

Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'
Bill Maher

After, Same, Said

President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all.
Bill Maher

Father, Said, President

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Biography

Nationality: American

Born: January 20, 1956

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