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Bill Maher Quotes
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The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.
Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.
Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.
I never thought I'd say this: what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.
The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.
This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.
The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'
When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.
Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'
I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day - you're the president, not a rerun of 'Law & Order'. TV stars are too worried bout being popular and too concerned about being renewed.
President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all.
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Difficulties are just things to overcome, after all.
W. C. Fields
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