Do unto others, then run.
Benny Hill

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
Benny Hill

I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: "Oh well," and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.
Benny Hill

I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.
Benny Hill

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
Benny Hill

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.
Benny Hill

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.
Benny Hill

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.
Benny Hill