A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
Artie Lange

And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.
Artie Lange

Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.
Artie Lange

By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long.
Artie Lange

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.
Artie Lange

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
Artie Lange

I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.
Artie Lange

I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.
Artie Lange

I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust.
Artie Lange

I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking.
Artie Lange


It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.
Artie Lange

Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that.
Artie Lange

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
Artie Lange

The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
Artie Lange

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
Artie Lange

When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
Artie Lange

When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs.
Artie Lange

Whiskey will always be a part of my life.
Artie Lange