Andy Rooney Quotes

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
Andy Rooney

Teacher, End, Remember

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Andy Rooney

Computers, Done, Easier

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andy Rooney

Pet, Person, Dog

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
Andy Rooney

Smile, Mean, Around

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Andy Rooney

Food, Time, Enough

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
Andy Rooney

Fun, Talk, Dogs

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Andy Rooney

Wrong, Chance, Getting

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Andy Rooney

Happiness, Life, Happens

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
Andy Rooney

Forget, Elephants

Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Andy Rooney

Death, Young, Rumor

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Andy Rooney

Happen, Old, Purpose

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
Andy Rooney

Truth, Accept, Facts

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
Andy Rooney

Sad, Blessed, Moment

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
Andy Rooney

Old, Word, Meaning

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
Andy Rooney

Smart, Frustrated, Dumb

It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
Andy Rooney

Life, Long, Living

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
Andy Rooney

Government, Respect, Perfect

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
Andy Rooney

Men, Law, Though

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Andy Rooney

Computers, Time, Everything

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?
Andy Rooney

Government, Help, Someone

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Andy Rooney

Working, Head, Hands

We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
Andy Rooney

Mistakes, Feeling, Big

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
Andy Rooney

Wish, Less, Knew

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
Andy Rooney

Enjoy, Anyone, Golf

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Andy Rooney

Technology, Giving, America

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Journalist

Born: January 14, 1919

Died: November 4, 2011

Links

Find on Amazon: Andy Rooney

Cite this Page: Citation

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