Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Ambrose Bierce

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Ambrose Bierce

Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
Ambrose Bierce

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
Ambrose Bierce

Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
Ambrose Bierce

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Ambrose Bierce

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
Ambrose Bierce

Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
Ambrose Bierce

Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
Ambrose Bierce

Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
Ambrose Bierce

Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
Ambrose Bierce

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Ambrose Bierce

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
Ambrose Bierce

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
Ambrose Bierce

Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means, as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another man's choice, and is highly prized.
Ambrose Bierce

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Ambrose Bierce

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
Ambrose Bierce

The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
Ambrose Bierce

The covers of this book are too far apart.
Ambrose Bierce

The future is that period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.
Ambrose Bierce